'We're all dominant and submissive - don't deny yourself': What BDSM teaches us about power and consent

Photo by Warm Orange on Unsplash

By Anna Freeman

A secluded BDSM château in upstate New York, La Domaine Esemar, is training masters and slaves to play with power dynamics and closely examine consent

BDSM - the erotic play of bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism, and masochism - has crept above ground. The art and practice has moved from the fringes of society into mainstream consciousness. What was once thought to be a leather-clad, shady sexual subculture fixated on an unhealthy relationship between pain and pleasure is slowly gaining acceptance for its nuanced exploration of power dynamics. However, if you’re going to delve into this world, you need professional guidance.

That's where La Domaine Esemar comes in. Nestled among the secluded foothills of the Berkshire mountains in upstate New York lies the last surviving BDSM training chateau. Co-founded by Master R, a talented pioneer in the practice whose experience spans over five decades, and headed up by Mistress Couple, a revered figure in New York’s kink scene and a psychology graduate, Esemar is a connection to the old world of BDSM practices. Surrounded by woodlands, it’s ‘a kinky home from home,’ Mistress Couple says.

We spoke to Mistress Couple and a married couple - Lady M and Master L - who have trained at Esemar to gain some more insight into the key tenants and disciplines of the BDSM arts.